As most know, I have been dealing with vision issues for more than two years now. I have worked hard at staying positive in regards to getting my full vision back. I have maintained a strong front and pushed away the negative thoughts which threaten to take hold.
However, even with forcing myself to stay positive I have still kept hold of the actual reality the vision won't return. I have admitted on several occasions the fear has overwhelmed me. The reality of this situation is the possibility the sight would not return fully. I know the reality of this, but still, I try to hold on to the hope.
The reality is currently the vision is not getting better. The doctor was expressly optimistic the last laser procedure was working the way he had hoped. I want to believe in his optimism but for the past several days have proved to be less optimistic. Dizziness has been worse this time around. The ability to make out shapes has diminished. The ability to make out partial images of what I know to be there is also gotten worse.
The upside and downside are on my next visit to the doctor he will most likely say I need another steroid shot, which on the one side assists with decreasing the fluid causing swelling in my eye to decrease, but on the downside, causes cataracts to get worse. So either way, the vision is hindered.
At some point, I will have to make the call to end this up and down roller coaster. The thought of making that call is terrifying because it is giving up and I don't give up on things. The knowledge of not get the sight back in my left eye is bad enough, but wondering if I have actually done everything I can to make sure I could do to gain my sight back.
So, when is enough, enough when it comes to giving up on hope?
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