Choices

The end of last month was very hard for me. It was a real eye-opener, to say the least. I lost a family member. I went home to be with the family to grieve the loss. I watched a beautifully put together video of pictures of the life of my cousin. As I watched the pictures flash up on the screen. I saw a man I didn't know; he was my family, but I had no idea of the man he had become. All the memories of him for me were from when we were kids.
I listened to the crying around me of other family members who were present in the photos and knew the man in them. I listened to the minister talk about a person in my family that I did not know. Now it was my choice to leave our hometown and live my life separate from the family. I didn't want to stay in the small town. That was my choice, and I have to say I honestly would not change that choice. I do wish I had not completely stepped away and continued the closeness I had known growing up.
However, my cousin had also made a choice. In most cases of grief, we blame everyone else for the loss. My Aunt blames herself for not helping him enough. My cousin blames the dealer, which I am sure most if not all the family does.
The problem with this blame game, the wrong people are being blamed. The blame lies solely with my cousin and his choice. He made the choice to do what he knew could and would harm him and everyone who loved him. I don't believe he made the choice to end his life; I think it was an accident. His choice was not an accident, the consequences that followed were an unintentional result of the choice.
The man everyone described throughout the day was a kind and good-hearted man who loved his family and was looking forward to the future. A man who wanted things he would have to wait to see happen. A man who used his experiences to help others. A man who would drop anything to lend a hand to someone in need. So as a new choice for myself, I choose to remember the boy I knew and the man they all described.
Everyone makes bad choices at some points in their lives, what they learn from those choices and move forward from those choices is what makes all the difference. If you have made choices you regret, don't regret them, learn from them and make better choices in the future. Moving forward and not repeating wrong choices is how you know you have learned the lesson making that choice taught you.